A Spirit of Hope

Yesterday my husband began a 3^rd attack on his cancer – chemotherapy.  It was a somewhat surreal day yet filled with hope. This was not just a shallow hope but a deep-seated faithful hope that claims God’s promises for ourselves. 

The day began with our typical car ride to school.  Our car was filled with a Spirit of hope, peace and joy.  I must confess, not all mornings are like this.  Some are rushed and frustrating; others filled with sibling antagonism, tense, sleepy.  There was literal song in our car yesterday morning - smiles, words of encouragement, peace.  A school musical performance is approaching, and we are honored and privileged to be a part of it.  This is an unexpected opportunity for my daughter that has come with providential timing.  We were also thanking God for His positive answer to physical comfort for one of our sons.  We prayed  passionately over the weekend for this, and God was gracious.  This had been a seemingly small request at this time in the life of our family but was now a clear response from God that He is listening and walking with us.

The next car ride was to the cancer center to begin what will be our new “normal” for the next 4-6 months.  Although the day was a bit cloudy and cold, our spirits were calm and determined – we are standing firm!  As the process unfolded, I was reminded of God’s hand in guiding us to this state-of-the-art cancer facility, filled with competent and compassionate medical professionals.  These people are so incredibly gifted.  They are knowledgeable, patient and compassionate!  We were glad to be progressing and thankful God had led us to this wonderful place.

Although the environment was peaceful, I did feel a bit like I do waiting for the 4^th of July fireworks to begin. As the chemicals flowed, I watched Mark for any of those signs that would mean we needed to press that “little red button.”  He watched TV, read, ate a snack, talked on the phone.  I read too much medical information, checked my phone, paced a bit.  All in all it was a rather boring 5 hours.  Praise the Lord!!  We left, stopped for a late lunch and then headed to carpool.  Once we arrived home, Mark walked 5 miles.  Wow, what a guy!  Thank you Lord for your Holy Spirit who is giving us hope and peace.

“We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”  Romans 5:3-5

 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  Romans 15:13

Holy Ground

I’ve never been a very socially needy person.  My list of Facebook friends is not very large.  I’m not prone to regularly attend gatherings with large groups of people.  I’d likely choose a quiet evening at home (even alone) over a night out at a party.  I’d prefer to serve food and clean up at a party than to visit and be entertained by guests.  Don’t get me wrong - I’m really not a “loner.”  I have some very valuable deep relationships that fuel my soul immeasurably; strong healthy relationships with my husband, my family, my friends, and many who read my blog!  I have to admit, however, that my expectations of my earthly relationships are changing. 

I’ve always felt that I had a very strong relationship with God.  But, I have a confession to make. I’ve been at times unable to say that I truly seek God first.  I felt that I did in my mind but not necessarily in my heart.  Whenever I had news to share (good or bad) or needed someone to talk to, I always thought of my human relationships first.  My husband is always the first one I seek.  I’d have a need for motherhood counsel, and I’d call my mom.  I’d need financial advice: I’d call my dad. I’d have a funny story I wanted to tell; I’d call my sister or my girlfriend.  

God is changing my heart.  Over the last several years, I've had to pause as I reached for the phone and reconsider……my mom is no longer with us, someone else is struggling with his or her own needs or schedule, and timing for my issue is not good.  My self-centered questions might not be sensitive to the issues that these special people have in their lives or hearts.  As I long to share an intimate conversation with the ones I love, I am now more sensitive to their fragility, their own needs, their human conditions.  They are “jars of clay” too, and I realize that my needs (emotional or physical) can never be fulfilled here on earth. 

The more I search the Bible, pray, see God working in our lives; the more I truly want to seek Him first.  This morning I’m home with my husband recoverying from surgery and a child with a sore throat.  I’m longing to talk.  There are loved ones here; we share our morning.  I think about my extended family I want to talk to too. I’m not sure about what.  I guess that I’m just desiring intimacy…companionship.  I have that here on earth, because I’m surrounded by many who love me and would drop everything just to chat.  But today I need more of God.  So, I read the Bible and blog.  “God said (to Moses),  ‘Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.’”  Exodus 3:5  He offers me that same holy ground.  I don’t have to worry about whether my needs will interfere with God’s issues --- He is immutable!

Jars of Clay

I love the way God is feeding my soul these days.  I feel like a little bird in search of bread crumbs guided by a power far beyond my greatest imagination.  I’m yearning for more spiritual insight, and He is leading me there. 

A couple of days ago I was led by a favorite devotional book, to 
II Corinthians 4:7-12:

 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.”

These verses screamed so loudly to me, making clearer so many things that are happening in our lives, in my soul. 

I reached a moment last week when I began to feel “despair” and that word jumped off the page as I read the verse.   Fortunately my sister was here to recognize that evil spirit. She called it “despair,” and she prayed it away.  She identified it and called on the Holy Spirit to bind that evil thing!  Flash! It was turned to something else, but I couldn’t quite describe the emotion at the time.  Then I read these verses, and it became clear – I was perplexed.  What Satan wanted as despair, that flaming arrow of Satan, was shielded by faith and prayer.  Thank you my dear sister for allowing the power of the Holy Spirit to work in my life through you.

The other night, Mark had a bad headache, and I couldn’t help but think of this verse as it described his physical state…”pressed hard on every side, struck down but not abandoned.”  I had to read it to him.  As I read I couldn’t help but see how Mark’s body is so clearly being “given over to death” and it highlighted the mortality that all of us share.  But that’s not as depressing or sad as it might sound because in this verse it also says we carry around the death of Jesus so that Jesus may also be revealed in us. And, that our “jars of clay” bodies carry a treasure to show the power of God!   I have to confess that I wanted to run with this and conclude that Mark will undoubtedly be healed to show God’s power….that this verse was in some way a direct promise of that.  But, I knew that that might just be a selfish pursuit.  So, I yearned to understand more of what this verse was saying.  Jars of clay….I had to understand those words of God more.

That night, as we were getting ready for our family bedtime prayers, a song on the radio was playing that my son had been singing all day long and had stuck in everyone’s heads.  I had to know who sang it…..”Jars of Clay.”  Hmm, another crumb from God leading me back to His word.  I had to pursue that verse more!  Then I remembered that our pastor had led us through a Sunday morning series on II Corinthians a few years ago. I would search for the sermon on our church’s website.  I love those audio archives!  Here’s the link if you want to hear it too!  (http://media.edmondfaithbible.com/faith/media/mp3/20070826_1563-10.mp3)

What a powerful message packed in these verses!  My life is to be a “jar of clay” through which God can display His power.  As we sacrificially serve, as Christ did, we will bless others as they receive life (eternal life).  In our weakened, common states, we should put aside our own selfish desires and sacrificially give so that others can receive the eternal treasure we have in Christ. My husband is doing this in an even weaker state as a vessel of our Lord.   The Almighty Physician will show His power!

The Holy Spirit is Active!

These days I have an unquenchable desire for more of God.  I want to hear Him more and serve Him more.  I want Him to speak to me personally, and He is.  As I seek Him more, He whispers words and messages to me more vividly than ever.  Why does that surprise me?  It’s what He promises – “Come near to God and he will come near to you.” James 4:8

One of the most powerful ways that He is speaking to me is through my pastor’s sermons on Sunday mornings.  These have always been wellsprings of truth for me as the Word of God is taught so thoroughly and passionately.  These days the messages are louder on Sunday mornings, but there is more there too.  As I come to worship and study the Bible, God is personally bombarding me with messages from Him.  The core intended messages of the sermons are vivid and resounding in their own rite, but there are hidden messages that come at me like fireworks, one after the other.  The Holy Spirit is active!

I’m reminded of the immutability of God – I can trust Him and His plan fully, no matter how my circumstances might change; He will not.  I hear the echo of a word spoken by a nurse as she shared her experience of God’s faithfulness in her life – righteousness.  I must choose righteousness always!  After hearing her story, I was faced with a simple yet clear choice in making the right decision.  Should I run a yellow light?  When I chose righteousness, the car I was driving (Mark’s) was hit from behind, rear-ended at a stoplight just outside the hospital where my husband recovered.  The amazing thing that occurred at that moment was in my heart – an indescribable joy and peace that surpassed understanding.  (Not my normal/natural reaction in such circumstances.) Again His promises are ringing true – “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3

This barrage of truth and encouragement from the Holy Spirit is too constant to fully communicate and happens everywhere. It is at it’s best, however, when I’m communing with God and His people in His house of worship.  But that’s also what He promises to us, isn’t it?  “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25

Thank you God for my Bible-focused pastor, the body of believers that surround us, your amazing promises, and how they are coming true in my life!