A Lesson Learned

Why do I continue to hear God’s word and fail to put it into action?  I learned my lesson last week.  

The week before Christmas with all my “important” to-do’s hovering over me, I jumped out of bed, threw on some clothes and rushed out the door to deliver my children to school.  I had only hours left before my children would be home for the holiday thus leaving me with little alone time to prepare all the Christmas surprises and ready our home for the holidays.  Mark was managing his treatments well but obviously more tired and would be ready for the time of rest that would so providentially come at the end of this chemo/radiation cycle.  Mounting anticipation and my worldly expectations were creating a crevice for the attack of the enemy.

I was shopping for those last minute Christmas gifts (worldly treasures?).  The more I thought about family and what gifts would be perfect for each one, the more I felt waves of sadness and depression.  It wasn’t about any one fear or doubt, just unexplained emotion – grief mounting and then subsiding.  I’d find the item on my shopping list, recover a bit from the last wave and then another wave of sadness.  This continued throughout the afternoon and into the evening.  Then a mildly tense moment would bring on another attack of emotion.  This was beyond normal….this was spiritual, the “Devil’s schemes” (Eph. 6:11).

Ok, I was just warned of this potential attack in various ways.  Why do I keep  forgetting to tighten the belt of truth, fit my feet with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace, take up the shield of faith, take the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God?  I did not seek God and His comfort that morning!

I’ve been reading a book about a cancer survivor’s experience and read about how his wife was attacked by spirits of doubt while in a hospital waiting room alone during one of her husband’s surgeries.  She specifically said that she “had not put on the shield of faith”.  After I read about her experience, I sent an early request to a friend to please join me to help hold my “shield of faith” during Mark’s upcoming surgery.  She’ll be there!  I’d already asked my sister to come and help with the kids (maybe it’s easier to plan for the physical needs).  Thanks God for the reminder! 

That had been another reminder to put on the Armor of God.  And our pastor’s recent sermon had reinforced our need to do this.  I had just written about this last week in my blog for goodness sake…HELLO ANGELA!  The Holy Spirit was now screaming at me!!!!

I am learning that no matter how strong, optimistic, faithful I think I can be, I cannot survive without full dependence on His mighty power.  While this battle is a physical battle against cancer, it is only a small part of a much bigger battle and our enemy the devil is looking to pounce. 

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Eph. 6:12

Lord, give me the power to seek you daily through your word and prayer.  Help me to have the discernment to see how to put on the full armor you promise will protect us.  And after I have done everything, help me to stand firm, be alert and pray.  Amen.

We have had a blessed holiday with wonderful unexpected gifts of encouragement from the Body of Christ.  Daily Christmas gifts were delivered to our door to help us savor time together as a family. Thank you to those who have chosen to share God’s love to us in this way! We have enjoyed Christmas devotionals, games, puzzles, movies, warm rest by the fire, yummy meals and goodies, Christmas songs and uncontrollable laughter that will be remembered for years to come.  We were visited by loved ones, received wonderful words of encouragement and support, and worshipped our Lord and Savior during the celebration of His birth.  The Lord is faithful even when we forget to put His words into action!    

Standing Firm

I am marveling at how God’s intricate plan for this cancer battle is unfolding.  There are so many pieces, and He is in all of it.  Thoughts of His guidance and grace bombard me, and I cannot write it all down fast enough. 

I marvel at how strong and courageous my husband is as he deals minute by minute with the side effects and emotions of this cancer attack.  I’m not sure how I expected him to be, maybe more like I would be, whining and seeking comfort from others.  He is seeking God’s comfort, confident, capable, enduring.  He is memorizing God’s encouraging words of Isaiah 40. And instead of complaining about how he feels, Mark is complaining about how difficult it is to memorize these days.  (Our first grader recites the whole Christmas story from Luke Chapter 2 with ease – Oh, how we wish we’d hidden more of God’s words in our hearts when we were younger and it was easier!) 

Of course Mark is courageous, he is a Marine, trained for battle.  As I watch him enduring this first attack, I see a real Marine - silent and strong, confident and capable.  But not capable from his own strength; it is much bigger than that.  It’s amazing how God has so skillfully knitted together Mark’s battle armor customized just for him.  The military endurance training is evident, but that is really a small part of it.  I see the armor strengthened by Mark’s faithfulness to PROACTIVELY seek God regularly through Bible reading and prayer, sharing his faith and building relationships.  He is memorizing scripture, consulting nurses and doctors, staying on top of all his medications, anticipating his physical needs. He is managing this so well.  He has been trained and prepared by the Almighty! 

Just weeks before this battle began, our pastor walked us through God’s words in Ephesians 6:10-20 – The Armor of God.  Wow, God told us what the armor should look like just before we knew we were entering this battle.  One thing that rang clear to me in those messages was that we are to “stand firm.”  While we are also to “do everthing,” the real emphasis is in STANDING and STANDING FIRM -- not continuing to attack but allowing God’s armor to protect us and letting God work!

I’m the researcher, analyst and planner in the family.  I find myself wanting to do more to plan , to analyze blood test, and seek more complimentary treatments.  Should we be pursuing alternative treatments?    I want to hover and control.  Mark is standing firm – Thank you God, that my husband is the head of our family.  And thank you for his spiritual strength especially in this battle.

What Happened to Hezekiah?

December 6, 2010

This past weekend God was feeding us spiritually and answering our prayers in unique ways.  Mark was tired, but there are other signs that treatments are doing what they are intended to do.  Thank you God for this encouragement.  I was the one that got the cold. Thank you God that it wasn’t Mark, at least yet.  We are all washing our hands regularly, and after some additional rest, I feel better too.  God also fed us spiritually at church yesterday with a marvelous speaker whose sermon was clearly and providentially designed just for us!  Wow he was good.  More on this later…..

I had thought that I would need to continue with my Job study but all weekend long, I had this nagging question in my mind about what really became of Hezekiah after his sign from God.  Did He live exactly 15 years?  What did he do for God after he was allowed to live?  Will Mark live just 15 more years?  What does God have in store for him? The questioning in my mind has its roots in a meeting Mark and I had with one of our medical coordinators a few weeks ago.   In the meeting, we were describing our clock story, and Mark said, “If I had rested in the message of Isaiah 38, however, I would have missed the encouraging words that God has for us in Isaiah 40.”  After the meeting I went home to read what Mark was referring to. 

 “27 Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel, 
’My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God?’ 
28 Do you not know? Have you not heard?  The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. 
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. 
29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 
30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 
31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”  Isaiah 40:27-21

God was speaking to Mark in the days that followed his diagnosis with powerful encouragement.  Thank you Lord for Mark’s faithfulness to your word and for your encouragement to him.

But this did not answer my nagging questions about what happened to Hezekiah…was this the Holy Spirit trying to tell me more about what will happen to Mark OR just leading me to His word again?  Does God have more to say to me?  Surely he does but where is He going with this?  I wouldn’t want to make light of what God reveals in the rest of Isaiah – God constantly presents His love to Israel (and us) and promises to establish a glorious kingdom in which peace and righteousness will flourish.  We can be a part of that! 

But, it doesn’t answer my question about Hezekiah!  Alas, there is more about Hezekiah in 2 Kings 20 and 2 Chronicles!  I love how God gives us everything we need to know in His Word.  So I read these chapters along with a Bible commentary to help me understand what God was doing through Hezekiah.  I even read beyond Hezekiah about how God dealt with the mostly unrighteous kings that followed.  It seemed there was only one king besides Hezekiah during this time that really tried to do what God wanted – Josiah. 

Although neither was perfect, God did show His mercy and grace to both Hezekiah and Josiah.  To Hezekiah, God gave 15 more years (as He had promised) and he prospered. God may choose to save Mark from this cancer so he can do many more things for His kingdom on earth.

“20 This is what Hezekiah did throughout Judah, doing what was good and right and faithful before the LORD his God. 21 In everything that he undertook in the service of God’s temple and in obedience to the law and the commands, he sought his God and worked wholeheartedly. And so he prospered.”  2 Chronicles 31:20

Josiah, unlike kings before and after him, did amazing things to cleanup the messes of his predecessors and bring his people back to God’s plan for them.  God showed mercy to Josiah by actually allowing him to die not having to see the demise of his people.  God may choose to take Mark’s life and bless him with heaven early.

“19 Because your heart was responsive and you humbled yourself before the LORD when you heard what I have spoken against this place and its people—that they would become a curse and be laid waste—and because you tore your robes and wept in my presence, I also have heard you, declares the LORD. 20 Therefore I will gather you to your ancestors, and you will be buried in peace. Your eyes will not see all the disaster I am going to bring on this place.’” 2 Kings 22:19-20.

I know that even today, God can allow a death to spare a righteous follower of His from having to endure the pain and effects of sin on this earth.  Thank you God that our hope is in your eternity and not what this world offers us.  Thank you for your promise that we will all live together with you in heaven if we trust in your son Jesus Christ as our savior.  I can endure life on earth with or without my husband because I know you have promised me so much more in eternity.  You will renew my strength!  Amen.

Praying through Job

I’ve finally mustered enough courage to begin reading through the book of Job.  I started it a couple of weeks ago and got so disgusted with Job’s wife that I had to stop and pray that God would help me to be more supportive than that!  I know that it is easy for wives to sometimes miss the point. I want to reflect God to my husband and others around me, especially through the pain of cancer. “God, Please help me not to be so discouraging as Job’s wife was!”

I know the story of Job and have read it in pieces before.  Now, I will study it in more depth, all of it, and pray that God will reveal himself more fully through this.

I had forgotten how much talking there was here especially from Job’s not-so-helpful friends.  I got in to their sermons and all I could hear was “Blah, blah, blah.”  So, today I am skimming past some of that diatribe and trying to get the whole story in a capsule.  First I’ll focus on the Bible only and maybe later get out a Bible commentary or look for some other book to help answer my questions that arise.

Wow, Job is in so much pain, so miserable.  I read a story about a man who fought cancer and reached a similar period of despair, he’s a survivor.  I watched my mom battle cancer; she was so strong through all that pain.  She fought 11 years before God took away all her pain. “God, please don’t let my husband suffer this level of pain and despair.  You say that you will anoint our heads with oil as our shepherd in the 23^rd Psalm.  Do this for Mark so that he won’t suffer as Job did.”

 I notice that in his despair, Job said, “If only there were someone to mediate between us (speaking of God), someone to bring us together, someone to remove God’s rod from me, so that his terror would frighten me no more.” (Job 9:33-34)  Isn’t that what the Bible promises us that the Holy Spirit will do for us – He intercedes for us in prayer when we don’t have words (I need to find this reference.)  “God, deploy your Holy Spirit to actively intercede for Mark through his trial.”

Finally, I came to “Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm.”  FINALLY, the actual words of God! He spoke out of the storm; I love storms.  Interesting how God chose to speak out of a storm.  I will listen more for the whispers and words of the Lord, especially the next time we have a thunderstorm.  “God, help me to listen to you more in every circumstance because I know from our clock story that you can speak very personally in many unique whispers as well as through storms!”  I got chills as I read how God spoke of His own power and character….I’ll have to read this again!

Do not become weary...

This morning I spent an hour on the phone with the insurance company.  First I learned that they did not want to speak to me because I am only a WIFE.  After much holding time, forms sent, discussions with supervisors, and calls to my husband, I was finally given approval to speak on my husband’s behalf.  Do they not know that I am not just a wife but a ”help meet” – a term often used in the Bible to describe God Himself!

I’ll have to admit, my frustration level at that point was rather high. I prayed for patience and that I would treat the person on the other end of the phone exactly as Christ would have treated her.  Well God took over, because my anxiety was calmed and I even dusted my furniture while I waited!

While little real progress has been made in their evaluation of our treatment funding, I was blessed to have been routed to a very capable and helpful customer service representative.  Thank you God for sending her to me!  She was helpful in explaining parts of our policy that many insurance people had not been willing and/or able to explain.  She was caring, courteous, professional and proactive.  She is following up on our call.  It appears that the delay is somewhere in the data entry department……ugh! 

“Lord, please help the data entry pile to send my information to the top, the insurance reviewer to have a heart and mind worthy for a just and fair review, and bless those whose decisions would be pleasing to you!  Oh! And thank you that we do have insurance!  I know that we never thank YOU enough.  Amen.”

Galatian 6:9-10

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”