Clock Update

The weekend after Mark’s diagnosis was the weekend that clocks were to be adjusted for daylight savings time.  Before I went to bed Saturday night I stared at that clock intently wondering what it would do.  Twice a year it automatically adjusts itself to daylight savings time, and we wake up the next morning with an accurate clock.  Would it adjust?   Is it really getting that radio signal?  I went to bed.

Sunday Morning Nov. 7, 7:36am I wrote:

“Last night the clocks ‘fell back’ to adjust for daylight savings time.  So, we wondered what would happen to the atomic clock.  It should adjust. It reads ‘7:29’ – It appears that it adjusted the hour for DLS time but not for the 8-10 minute error.  Is it slightly correcting?  Wow, the clock is getting the signal!  The error is clearly something God has used but I wonder what to make of it all.  Will it correct?  If so, when?  What else will He reveal to us?  He is whispering: He is in control."

I think I need to read Job. I will, but I’m not quite ready to.

Our clock is still 8 minutes behind.

Communicating the News

With lab tests confirming the diagnosis, we began to evaluate the best way to communicate this news particularly to our children.  Part of me felt as though I’d wake up any minute and realize I had been in a dream.  If we began to tell others, then it really had to be true.  But we must begin this process. 

God had already been preparing the hearts and minds of our children to receive this news.  He had been strengthening their faith and surrounding them by others who point them to God every day.  The day before we were to share the news, the Magic School Bus (a cartoon on television) took a ride through the digestive system while our children watched and learned about the large intestine.  Our first grader had recently studies the digestive system in school.  The week before this, our first grader’s reading homework was a book about all kinds of clocks.  Their hearts were being shepherded by God and as much as we did not want to have to tell them this news, they were ready.

The morning before we told them, waiting for Mark to finish another test, this is what I wrote in my journal:

“I am at peace.  God is in control. We will speak with the children after school tonight.  God has given us wonderful friends that point to God and His glory.  They are caring for our children too.  I will take Mark home to rest and pick up the children at school (just like normal).  The plan for communicating is tenuous; God will give the words.  We want to point to God in strength and with peace so our children see an example of real trust and faith, reliance on God and readiness to serve Him, glorify Him and point others to Him.  He will show His glory.”

Mark and I discussed the best ways to communicate to the children - all together, each one separate?  Mark would decide.  This was his news, and God would help shape the plan.  That evening Mark spoke to each one of the children individually.  They seemed to understand, at least in their own basic way, no tears, a sense that this was just a plan we had to accomplish.  Each one processing in his or her own way. 

The next day, I picked them up from school early for flu shots and afterwards we went to Subway for a snack.  Sitting in the restaurant, I walked them through the story of how God had led Daddy to the verses in Isaiah, and we read them together.  I told them about the promise God gave Hezekiah and then asked our first grader if he knew what a sundial was.  “It’s a clock!” he said instantly.  (God had given him a lesson on this in his reading homework.)  Then my daughter’s eyes got big and her mouth fell open.  “Our clock is 10 minutes behind!”  Our sons’ eyes widened, and we sat in silence.  “Well, to be honest,” I said, “the clock is only about 8 or 9 minutes slow.”  “That doesn’t matter; close enough!” they yelled.  And, they were right. They all saw the hand of God in our lives and in our home.  As we walked out of the restaurant, my daughter said, “Mom, I hope that man sitting at the table next to us heard what we were talking about.”  I know God is going to use this!

I called each of Mark’s siblings that week to share the news.  I called my family.  They all know God and know He has a perfect plan; they are on our battle team.  I asked Mark’s siblings to check on Mark’s mom because I would tell her soon. They had already planned to see her on the day I would tell her. (God already paved the way.)  I would call her in the morning, well rested and less vulnerable to the attack of our enemy.  That morning this is what I wrote:

“Thanks Dave Ramsey, but I think I might use up my emergency fund. Praise the Lord that He will provide!”

“Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word.” Psalm 119:67 God is telling me I really need to do ALL that He says.

“Do not worry about anything but instead by prayer and supplication let your request be known by God.  And the peace that passes understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.”  – my version from memory, can’t remember the reference but I’ll find it!  This is another conviction about hiding God’s word in my heart…He’s reminding me of His promises but I am really bad about remembering! (Philippian 4:6-7; and I forgot ‘with Thanksgiving!’)

I am not worrying, but I’m sad because this morning I have to tell my sweet mother-in-law that her son has cancer.  Tears…OK these are not helpful.  GOD?  

Lessons from Hosea

Below is a journal entry I wrote on September 22, approximately a month before my husband was diagnosed with cancer:

A friend of mine recommended a book to me several months ago; a love story.  Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, a story based on the book of Hosea.  What an amazing testimony this author has!  It begins with a rather disturbing story of a very young girl.  I’ll endure but must stop to read the book of Hosea to know what God’s inspired words are.

So I read the book of Hosea and focused on the story of Hosea and Gomer.  There’s not a lot of detail but a lot about God’s relationship with the nation of Israel.  What a great day of personal Bible study.  While reading (online with my new computer) a large hawk landed on the patio fence. BREATHTAKING!  I think God is reminding me of his presence through these wild animals.

As I read, I wrote down these thoughts and prayers:

• Am I like Israel, worshipping something besides God (home, my family, security, financial security) or like a “prostitute” toward God, seeking provision from something other than God?
• Satan’s attempts come in the form of a telemarketing call to distract.  (Thank you caller ID!)  Take THAT Satan!
• Am I a traitor to God like “Benedict Arnold” (My son had asked about him after school a few days before, and we googled him to get the accurate “low-down” instead of relying on my poor history knowledge.)
• I profess to be His but don’t trust His provision.  I worry about our “financial plans” and think it is within my control.  Lord, help me to trust you more, show me how I am to serve you most.  Thank you for my praying husband who leads me in so many ways but mostly spiritually!
• Hosea 13:15b “His storehouse will be plundered of all its treasures” (Reminds me of my grandparents’ garage that burned filled with boxes of “treasures” stored for years.) Lord, help me not to trust in the material treasures of this world.
• Hosea 14:5 “Like a cedar of Lebanon, he will send down his roots.”  (I love those trees; I want to plant one of these in my yard!)  God, send down your strong roots in me!
• Hosea 14:8 “Your fruitfulness comes from me.”  Work in me Lord!

That day I prayed more fervently than I have in a long time.  God, use me however you need me to serve you.  I can endure whatever you send my way because I know that I am yours.  I asked Him to strengthen my faith.  I felt like I was jumping off a building.  He is answering my prayer!

Whispers from the Holy Spirit

This is a journal entry I made on Oct. 5, 2010...God's preparation for this trial began long ago.  Nothing is a surprise to Him! 

As I reevaluated whether my time is really supporting what my priorities in life are/should be, I was convicted.  I truly believe that my priorities should be relationship focused, heavenly focused.  For me that means my relationship with God, my husband, my children, other members of the Body of Christ, the lost and needy.  So, I started at the top and knew that I needed to determine to spend more quality time with God, in His word, in prayer.  While my brief, regular times of devotion are meaningful to me, the less regular times of deeper individual Bible Study have revealed….GLORY, whispers from God, a real sense that the Holy Spirit is alive and eager to work in my life.

During an extended period of prayer time in my backyard, God sent playful squirrels to entertain.  An extended study of Hosea and prayer sent a hawk to my back patio.  Another time of prayer and reading brought thoughts of ministry opportunities…another visit by the hawk…it this God’s whisper? 

This reminded me of a scene from C.S. Lewis’ Voyage of the Dawn Treader.  While escaping from the Dark Island (end of Chapter 12), Lucy cries out to Aslan and an Albatross arrives….”But no one except Lucy knew that as it circled the mast it had whispered to her, ‘Courage, dear heart,’ and the voice, she felt sure, was Aslan’s, and with the voice a delicious smell breathed in her face."

When I am not confined by a time limit and really allow myself to passionately search his word, pray and listen, he is encouraging and “smiling” through his glorious creation.

God's Whisper in the Diagnosis

Two weeks ago my husband Mark was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer.

Mark is healthy, disciplined, and passionate.  He has no family history of colon cancer. He did what the doctors say – annual physicals, eat well, exercise, don’t smoke, drink, etc. etc.  So, after he turned 50, he met with his doctor who recommended a colonoscopy.   Well what started as routine has sent us into a battle - a battle against cancer.

It is just short of miraculous how God has prepared our family physically and spiritually to enter this trial.   We know that God is graciously holding our hands and through this trial He will strengthen us and show His Glory.   Here’s just one example of how He is revealing Himself to us…

Mark’s first test was on a Friday.  After speaking to the doctor that day, I took my husband home explaining that the doctor had said that this was probably cancer and the lab test would likely confirm this the following Tuesday.  Mark was groggy from the procedure, and we decided to quietly get through the weekend and wait for the confirmation on Tuesday before we shared this news with anyone, especially our children.  With my mother-in-law and sister-in-law visiting that weekend and our three young children unaware of the impending news, we decided to go to dinner on Saturday to begin sorting through our emotions together. 

We sat in the restaurant parking lot reiterating what the doctor had explained, sorting through our emotions and praying.  It was at this time that Mark said, “ I have to show you the Bible verse that I read this morning.”  (Now, you must know that my dear husband has been reading through the Bible verse by verse, starting in Genesis for the last several months.  He was now in Isaiah.)  I pulled out the Bible that I keep in my glove box and began looking for the verses. I began to read Isaiah 38:

1 In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz went to him and said, “This is what the LORD says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover.”

Well with this verse, I burst into tears, but Mark said, “No, keep reading!”  So I did:

2 Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD, 3 “Remember, LORD, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly.

4 Then the word of the LORD came to Isaiah: 5 “Go and tell Hezekiah, ‘This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will add fifteen years to your life. 6 And I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria. I will defend this city.”

How could it be coincidence that this was the very verse that Mark was scheduled to read on the day after this medical news?  And, what was God trying to tell us?  Mark will be cured?  Mark will live 15 years?  We are not sure, but we do know that God is here with us, listening to our cries and will walk with us through this trial that we now face.  But the story does not end there…bear with me now.

We spent the rest of the weekend in a state of shock, but also feeling that God was perhaps whispering to us in a very unique and personal way.  Monday morning Mark and I shared coffee together at our kitchen table.  Looking up at the clock Mark pointed out that is was about 10 minutes slow and that I should be careful not to rely on it.  Now I need to give you a bit of history regarding our clock…

This clock hangs above the doorway in our kitchen and is an atomic clock given to Mark by his father, a former Navy officer, several years ago as a Christmas gift.  Mark’s dad was all about precision and was determined that each family member have an atomic clock in their home linked by radio signals to ensure accuracy.  This has been the clock in our home that tests the accuracy of all others and the clock that we use to determine our final departure time, as it is the last clock we see as we depart our home.

“Maybe it needs a new battery,” I said and then got up to retrieve a new battery.  When I looked up, there was my husband reaching up to take the clock off the wall.  I handed him the battery.  He took out the old one and replaced it with the new one.  I asked, “Are we supposed to press some button or something to make sure it’s picking up the signal?”  Then we both realized that we had no time left to fuss with this clock, and I agreed to check it later.  Then, we went about starting our day as usual.  (I must note that these sorts of house tasks are very seldom joint projects for Mark and I.)

Mark left for work.  I took the kids to school and then stopped in the school parking lot to look for my grocery list.  Now I had been using my new ITouch  When I pulled my ITouch out of my purse I was led to Isaiah 38 again, this time in the New King James Version.  I reread Isaiah 38:1-6 but this time continued on with Isaiah 38:7-8:

7 And this is the sign to you from the LORD, that the LORD will do this thing which He has spoken: 8 Behold, I will bring the shadow on the sundial, which has gone down with the sun on the sundial of Ahaz, ten degrees backward.” So the sun returned ten degrees on the dial by which it had gone down.

“Wow, God,” I prayed. “You gave Hezekiah a sign.  That’s cool.  Do you still give signs?  OK if you don’t; I’ll still trust You.”  Then I looked at the verse again….SUNDIAL…”A sundial is a CLOCK!” I thought, “and our clock, our atomic clock, is 10 minutes slow!”  God was speaking to us through His Word!  Just as he promises us He will. 

I looked up into the parking lot and saw my friend Kelli getting into her car.  I had to tell somebody this, and Kelli was my target.  I put the car in gear and started following her car.  When I turned the corner in the parking lot, there was no sign of Kelli, so I stopped the car right where I was.  I looked to the right and there was my husband walking out in the parking lot to his car.  (Now this is only partly miraculous because Mark does work at this school!).  Well I immediately drove up to him, handed him my ITouch and said, “You have to read the rest of the verse!”  He looked at me with a confused expression.  “Read verse 7 and 8!” I said.  He read and as he looked up with tears in his eyes I said, “A sundial is a clock!  Our clock is 10 minutes slow!  God is speaking to us through His Word!  I’m not completely sure what He is saying, but I know He will show His Glory!”

The lab test results the next day confirmed that this was indeed cancer and our battle preparation began.  We know that we are not in this battle alone.  God is our Commander-in-Chief, and He will guide us with the Body of Christ by our side.  We will give Him all the praise!